Friday 27 August 2010

The Magic Word -- `Confidence'


I sit here and think about what it takes to make life tick. For one, I guess, confidence in one self and faith that all is going to be all right. I have often wondered, will not the world be a better place if people were more confident of themselves and they did not have to prove themselves to anyone? Confident enough to be happy, to be doing what they want to do instead of looking for approval all the time, confident enough to stand up for what they believe in, confident enough to enjoy life the way they want to, confident enough to walk the road less travelled and not wait for others.

The more I think of this attribute, the more I realise the need for it. I can actually visualise the world to be better place if people realised their potential to the fullest and decided to be the best that they could be.


Knowing that you are one of your kind and there is no one like out there, wow, that is a thought! And the potential that comes with it. Have you met someone like you? I have not met anyone like me and I have met a lot of people. We are all created differently on a physical level and that is just the beginning of the differences. More often than not, I feel the times I have faltered in life and trust me that is one long list, I have come to the conclusion those were the times, I lacked faith in my abilities and was filled with selfdoubt. The times when I have achieved something of value, unfortunately, that is not such a long list, (as yet), well I am optimistic, have been times when I was full of confidence and ready to take on the world. So here it is to confidence and a heavy dose of self worth. Let us just stop, look at the mirror and realise the greatest miracle is right there staring at us. I or you don't have to look beyond that for this is it. So let us go out there and try and remember I am the centre of the universe it all begins and ends with me and trust me it does. Have the confidence to know that and live life king-size.

HT DElhi

http://epaper.hindustantimes.com/PUBLICATIONS/HT/HD/2010/08/28/ArticleHtmls/The-Magic-Word-Confidence-28082010896002.shtml?Mode=1

Thursday 26 August 2010

“When In Doubt, Make Belief,” by Jeff Bell

“When In Doubt, Make Belief,” by Jeff Bell

Have you ever driven away from your house and found yourself wondering whether you’d remembered to close the garage door? Probably.

Have you ever gone back, checked to make sure that the door was closed, driven away, and then had to come back yet again to make doubly sure? And then repeated the entire exercise again? Probably not, but if you have, then you may be one of the millions of people who struggle with obsessive compulsive disorder, or OCD.

Jeff Bell is a well-known author, speaker, and radio news anchor. He’s found himself checking the garage door not once, but twice, or three, or more times, on each occasion driving away with less, not more, reassurance about the security of his garage door. He lives with OCD, which is the topic of his latest book, When In Doubt, Make Belief. If at this point you’re thinking, “Well, I may have gone back to to check the garage door, but I’ve never had to do it repeatedly, so I guess this book isn’t for me,” I suggest you think again.

Title: When In Doubt, Make Belief
Author: Jeff Bell
Publisher: New World Library
ISBN: 9781577316701
Available from: Amazon.com (paperback), Amazon.com (Kindle edition), Amazon.co.uk.

When Jeff wrote his first book — an OCD “coming out” memoir, if you will — he was overwhelmed by the interest shown by the public and the media. At first he assumed the interest was due to the “freak factor” — people interested in his bizarre psychological condition — but he soon realized that the fascination was fueled not by the strangeness but by the familiarity of the condition. We all experience irrational doubt. We all experience obsessions and compulsions. At times, each of us has acted irrationally and against our best interests because of fear, anxiety, and other powerful habits that drive our actions. Bell has something to say to each of us.

One universal topic he explores is the tendency to see life in black-and-white terms, with everything appearing as part of a dichotomy: good or bad, right or wrong. Who has not fallen into this way of thinking? Bell introduces examples of black-and-white thinking that will resonate with every reader: e.g. someone accuses us of thoughtlessness, and then black and white thought patterns tell us that if one person thinks we are thoughtless, then that must be so, and therefore everyone must think that we are thoughtless, and therefore no one likes us, and therefore we’re going to be unpopular for the rest of our lives. Sound familiar? We may not think like that all the time, but we’ve all thought like that at some point.

Bell also discusses, in terms that are very familiar to me as a Buddhist, the difference between healthy (intellect-based) and unhealthy (fear-based) doubt. Intellect-based doubt is founded on reason, logic, and rational investigation, and leads us towards a constructive engagement with our experience, to greater awareness, and to growth and learning. Fear-based doubt is supported by irrational assumptions and black-and-white thinking. Rather than leading to clarity, it causes a spike in anxiety, catastrophic thinking (a never-ending series of “what-if” questions), and leads us to engage in actions that are neither appropriate nor helpful. Ultimately, fear-based doubt is a vicious cycle, where doubt creates and perpetuates itself.

Although some of the pathological patterns of OCD are common to us all, Bell takes pains to remind us that OCD is a specific biochemical brain disorder, and not a psychological condition that people slip into and out of.

Fortunately, Bell does much more than simply describe the pathology of doubt. He outlines four general principles — reverence, resolve, investment, and surrender — that contain 10 practical steps by which we can get out of doubt. These 10 steps are deeply grounded in spirituality. He encourages us to:

  1. Choose to see the universe as friendly
  2. Embrace the possibility in every moment
  3. Affirm our universal potential
  4. Put our commitments ahead of our comfort
  5. Keep sight of the big picture and the Greater Good
  6. Claim and exercise our freedom to choose
  7. Picture possibilities and direct our attention [away from destructive thinking and towards constructive thoughts]
  8. Act from abundance in ways that empower
  9. Accept and let go of what we cannot control
  10. Allow for bigger plans than our own to unfold.

For Bell, belief is the opposite of doubt. The 10 strategies outlines above are ways of changing our decision-making from being doubt driven to being belief-driven. It’s important for us to believe in ourselves, to learn to trust, respect, and have compassion for others, and to have faith in life itself. Belief, the way Bell uses the term, seems to encompass what Buddhists would term shraddha (an emotional attitude of confidence and trust) and samyak-drshti (accurate views regarding ourselves and the world we live in). Belief, for Bell, is a choice. It is something we can create (hence the title of the book). The very first step he outlines in “making belief” — choosing to see the universe as friendly — is a conscious choice to see the universe as supporting us to the full extent that we are willing to draw upon it. The universe, then, is seen not as endlessly trying to trip us up, but as an endless series of opportunities for pursuing our own greater good. This is an inherently spiritual outlook, and I believe that any spiritual seeker would benefit from exploring Bell’s plentiful, and hard-won, insights.

Here’s one more example of Bell’s spiritual insight: “The key to living with uncertainty is learning to embrace the discomfort of uncertainty.” When faced with doubt, many of us panic. Gripped by panic, we grasp after this short term palliatives that promise to relieve us from our doubt but simply perpetuate it. These are what Bell calls “false exits” from the vicious cycle of doubt. This perspective will be familiar to anyone who has read the work of the American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön, or the existentialist-inspired Buddhist writer, and author of “The Faith to Doubt,” Stephen Batchelor.

When In Doubt, Make Belief is a clearly laid out book, full of honest introspection on the part of the author, and bringing in the lived experience of a wide variety of people (some OCD sufferers, some not) as quotations and in the form of interviews with the author. The book contains diagrams neatly summarizing the principles and practical steps that create a belief-based life. Each chapter ends with a handy summary of the main points. For a man who has been crippled by doubt for much of his life, Bell has done a marvelous job of attaining clarity.

Bell honestly acknowledges, however, that he is still working with the issues he raises, and that he is not always able to put into practice his own strategies. In fact, he discusses the kind of internal dialogues he has with his doubt — personified as Director Doubt — dialogues in which Bell is forever being accused of being a fraud for not having completely eliminated OCD from his life. In response to this inner bullying, Bell reminds himself (and us) to concentrate on progress rather than perfection. He explains how he assesses each day in terms of how he has demonstrated his passion for life, how he has demonstrated kindness to others, and how he has demonstrated “grace of self.” I can’t help feeling that all of us would benefit immensely from asking ourselves those three questions at the end of each day.


Article printed from Wildmind Buddhist Meditation: http://www.wildmind.org

URL to article: http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/book-reviews/when-in-doubt-make-belief-by-jeff-bell

Wednesday 25 August 2010

Because You Can

Do you assume that other people should prove they ''deserve'' your kindness,thoughtfulness or consideration before they get it ?

''Why should I be nice to her when she was so rude to me ?''

''Mean old bag , never smiles, who would want to treat her decently?''

''He hurt me. I'm not going to waste my time talking to him.''

Living like this- and many people do- you are letting other people decide how you will behave. You are giving away your power to decide. You are letting them determine how you will think and feel.

When you treat people decently because you can you are relying on something far more solid than other's people reactions (or your assumptions about those reactions ).

You are relying on your values.And living them.

Self-respect begins in your own mind : with the way you think and talk about yourself.

Tuesday 24 August 2010

You don't need a title to realise your potential, just believe in yourself and focus on your goals

Title : The power of purpose
Author : Chitra Jha
Location :
Article Date : 08/25/2010



You don't need a title to realise your potential, just believe in yourself and focus on your goals

How many of us live truly purposeful lives and how many just drift along, always trying to fit in with the trends, living life on others' terms? A lack of an individual or collective purpose makes us feel inadequate, helpless and powerless. Lao Tzu, a famous Chinese philosopher who lived more than 2,500 years ago, had said, “The biggest problem in the world today is that individuals experience themselves as powerless.“ We haven't progressed much on this count in these two-and-ahalf millenniums. We still feel helpless, negative, lethargic, frustrated, and resentful. We often live in fear, enslaved by our circumstances, which we think are beyond our control.
All these are signs of powerlessness. Our efforts to achieve success in any field are sabotaged by powerlessness as it breeds negativity.

True power comes with purpose. It brings an inner awareness, an inner state of being in control, knowing that we can achieve our goals. It brings a calm conviction about our true identity.
It makes us believe that we can achieve all that we set out to achieve in life. It gives us a quiet confidence in our abilities. It helps us set a direction for our life. It makes us distinguish among circumstances over which we have some control and over which we have no control.
This power makes us define ourselves from inside out. It makes our internal space a positive one. From this space, our internal dialogue always moves us towards self-confidence. We constantly keep affirming, “I am a capable person. I can handle all life challenges with élan. I am creative. I learn from all my mistakes. Etc. etc.“

Mahatma Gandhi is a shining example of a person who used the power of purpose in the most effective manner.
He held no political office. He didn't possess great wealth.
He was a small, frail, scantilyclad man, who took on the might of the British empire and drove the erstwhile rulers without firing a single shot. How did he achieve this supposedly impossible goal?
He could do it with the power of purpose; the power which can move mountains and achieve miracles.

How can we cultivate this power in our lives? This power comes with a vision for our future. It comes when we open up to new possibilities.
It comes when we nurture our inherent strengths. Yes, each one of us has been granted numerous gifts by nature/ God/ the universe/ spirit/ energy/ intelligence...
whatever name you may call it. Ask yourself, “What are the blessings/ gifts/ powers that I have been blessed with so far?“ Make a list of these blessings. Your list could include a safe and secure home, a loving family, fresh drinking water, plenty of food, good health, a sound mind, education, employment, friends, freedom from life threats, talents, abilities etc.

Once you have made this list, you are ready to ask the next question: “Why have I been given all these gifts? What is the purpose?“ This is a very important question, so let the answer come in from deep inside you. For some, the purpose could be to experience love, joy, beauty, and aliveness. For some others, it could be sharing the gifts and supporting others in living joyful, authentic lives. Some may be inclined to create conditions where everyone can live with inner security and peace. Some may wish to understand more about the human nature and human experience. There can be as many purposes as there are people, since each one of us is unique, with our unique bouquet of gifts and talents.

Once you have identified your most compelling purpose you are ready for the final question. Ask yourself, “What actions do I need to take today in the direction of my life's purpose? How can I align my gifts with the purpose I have identified?“ Whichever way you may frame this question, the answer to this question will give you the power of purpose. This answer will make you look at each moment as an opportunity to march forward on your chosen path.

So, ask these questions, honestly answer them and find your power of purpose.
This power will propel you towards success in any chosen field because this field will be aligned with who you are.

The author is a life-skills coach, time-line therapist, and new consciousness writer. Contact: chitrajhaa@gmail.com

Original link http://epaper.hindustantimes.com/PUBLICATIONS/HT/HD/2010/08/25/ArticleHtmls/The-power-of-purpose-25082010604005.shtml?Mode=1


Monday 9 August 2010

Difference between Love and Obsession

Difference between Love and Obsession

Love. As much as people think they know ‘love’ and have experienced it, the truth is that it is very, very rare. In fact, it is one of the most confused and ‘mis-understood’ feelings in the world. Hatred, jealousy, envy, anger: easy to understand and infer. But love… how does one know that it is love… and not like? not attraction? not obsession?

It is really sad when people mistake their feelings of ‘anything-but-love’ for love. It not only creates heart-breaks, break-ups, fights, arguments, separation, divorce, but it causes such low-level emotions of revenge, resentment, anger, egotism and violence. But more than anything, more than the likings, crushes, attractions, what is saddest is the ‘love’ which is in reality an ‘obsession’.

Obsession is strong, its reason being addiction. In obsession, you do not love the person, you need the person- for your own self. Obsession is one of the most selfish and cruel emotions amongst mankind. It has only to do with the self, with the ego and has not a trace of compassion or kindness. Obsessive love kills. It harms. It seeks revenge if the self is not placated continuously. Obsession is a disease…

Once a boy liked a girl and grew obsessive about her. The young girl was still unsure about her feelings for him beyond liking and friendship, and therefore never committed to him. But the boy, who was otherwise a nice regular guy, popular with friends, was blind to everything else other than his need for her and the sense of achievement in getting her. With time, when the girl realised that she did not love him, she told him so. Instead of accepting her truthful admission, he tried to hurt her. He grew into a rage and became vindictive. All the love he claimed for her vanished into thin air in a single moment. The strangeness of it didnt matter to him. What inkled him was his hurt ego. He cared no more of the girl’s welfare or her happiness. He sent threats to her and her friends. He hacked her email accounts and messed up her social networking pages. He raged and ranted.

All this made the girl sad and disillusioned-not angry, for she had been his friend in the past, and tried to understand him in her simple heart. But she could not make sense of such hatred from someone who had professed his love for her so fervently. Her faith in love broke forever. The story has a sad ending because soon enough the girl died, never knowing that it was not love that failed, but the foolishness and immaturity of a person. The boy was only obsessed with her; there was no love. We dont know what happened to the boy after the girl died. Whether he forgave her in her death, or forgave himself in his realisation of the truth at last.

In true love, you live for the other person. You wish for the other person’s happiness, irrespective of whether that person loves you back or not, even if the love is unrequited and that person loves somebody else instead. True love is loving without selfish thoughts. When you truly love somebody, your whole existence is focused on making that person happy, your life revolves around him, and your every dream includes him and his smile. You realise and understand that you are born to be with him and for him. You instinctively know that you are soulmates and your heart aches for the other person. You are willing to give up every material and shallow pleasure of life, if it brings about even a little more happiness to the other person, although it may bring pain upon you. You realise that every passing moment just makes your love deeper, stronger and more generous. You become a better human being because you are fulfilled in your life like nothing else in the world can be.

But it happens so many times that couples declare that they love each other, when in fact they do not. What they feel at their inner-most sanctums is possessiveness, ownership and an urgent need to guard this property of theirs, and feed their egos. In their relationships, there is passion, pleasure, self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement- all quite short-lived and transient. And always, never peace. That sense of peace and bliss which comes only to soulmates in their love. For the rest, it is always a searching, always a seeking of the answers, always a compromise at a crossing.

http://remaindersofalife.wordpress.com/2010/05/17/difference-between-love-and-obsession/

Love And The Law Of Attraction

Love And The Law Of Attraction

Only a loving person — one who is already loving — can find the right partner.

This is my observation: if you are unhappy you will find somebody who is unhappy. Unhappy people are attracted towards unhappy people. And it is good, it is natural. It is good that the unhappy people are not attracted towards happy people; otherwise they would destroy their happiness. It is perfectly okay.

Only happy people are attracted towards happy people.

The same attracts the same. Intelligent people are attracted towards intelligent people; stupid people are attracted towards stupid people.

You meet people of the same plane. So the first thing to remember is: a relationship is bound to be bitter if it has grown out of unhappiness. First be happy, be joyful, be celebrating, and then you will find some other soul celebrating and there will be a meeting of two dancing souls and a great dance will arise out of it.

The need to be loved is childish, immature. The need to love is mature.

Don’t ask for a relationship out of loneliness, no. Then you are moving in a wrong direction. Then the other will be used as a means and the other will use you as a means. And nobody wants to be used as a means! Every single individual is an end unto himself. It is immoral to use anybody as a means.

First learn how to be alone. Meditation is a way of being alone.

If you can be happy when you are alone, you have learned the secret of being happy. Now you can be happy together. If you are happy, then you have something to share, to give. And when you give you get; it is not the other way. Then a need arises to love somebody.

Ordinarily the need is to be loved by somebody. It is a wrong need. It is a childish need; you are not mature. It is a child’s attitude.

A child is born. Of course, the child cannot love the mother; he does not know what love is and he does not know who is the mother and who is the father. He is totally helpless. His being is still to be integrated; he is not one piece; he is not together yet. He is just a possibility. The mother has to love, the father has to love, the family has to shower love on the child. Now he learns one thing: that everybody has to love him. He never learns that he has to love. Now the child will grow, and if he remains stuck with this attitude that everybody has to love him, he will suffer his whole life. His body has grown, but his mind has remained immature.

A mature person is one who comes to know the other need: that now I have to love somebody.

The need to be loved is childish, immature. The need to love is mature.

And when you are ready to love somebody, a beautiful relationship will arise; otherwise not.

“Is it possible for two people in a relationship to be bad for each other?” Yes, that’s what is happening all over the world. To be good is very difficult. You are not good even to yourself. How can you be good to somebody else?

You don’t even love yourself! How can you love somebody else? Love yourself, be good to yourself.

Your so-called religious saints have been teaching you never to love yourself, never to be good to yourself. Be hard on yourself! They have been teaching you be soft towards others and hard towards yourself. This is absurd.

I teach you that the first and foremost thing is to be loving towards yourself. Don’t be hard; be soft. Care about yourself. Learn how to forgive yourself — again and again and again — seven times, seventy-seven times, seven hundred seventy-seven times. Learn how to forgive yourself. Don’t be hard; don’t be antagonistic towards yourself. Then you will flower.

In that flowering you will attract some other flower. It is natural. Stones attract stones; flowers attract flowers. Then there is a relationship which has grace, which has beauty, which has a benediction in it. If you can find such a relationship, your relationship will grow into prayer;your love will become an ecstasy and through love you will know what the divine is.

OSHO – Ecstasy: The Forgotten Language

Love And The Law Of Attraction

Love And The Law Of Attraction

Only a loving person — one who is already loving — can find the right partner.

This is my observation: if you are unhappy you will find somebody who is unhappy. Unhappy people are attracted towards unhappy people. And it is good, it is natural. It is good that the unhappy people are not attracted towards happy people; otherwise they would destroy their happiness. It is perfectly okay.

Only happy people are attracted towards happy people.

The same attracts the same. Intelligent people are attracted towards intelligent people; stupid people are attracted towards stupid people.

You meet people of the same plane. So the first thing to remember is: a relationship is bound to be bitter if it has grown out of unhappiness. First be happy, be joyful, be celebrating, and then you will find some other soul celebrating and there will be a meeting of two dancing souls and a great dance will arise out of it.

The need to be loved is childish, immature. The need to love is mature.

Don’t ask for a relationship out of loneliness, no. Then you are moving in a wrong direction. Then the other will be used as a means and the other will use you as a means. And nobody wants to be used as a means! Every single individual is an end unto himself. It is immoral to use anybody as a means.

First learn how to be alone. Meditation is a way of being alone.

If you can be happy when you are alone, you have learned the secret of being happy. Now you can be happy together. If you are happy, then you have something to share, to give. And when you give you get; it is not the other way. Then a need arises to love somebody.

Ordinarily the need is to be loved by somebody. It is a wrong need. It is a childish need; you are not mature. It is a child’s attitude.

A child is born. Of course, the child cannot love the mother; he does not know what love is and he does not know who is the mother and who is the father. He is totally helpless. His being is still to be integrated; he is not one piece; he is not together yet. He is just a possibility. The mother has to love, the father has to love, the family has to shower love on the child. Now he learns one thing: that everybody has to love him. He never learns that he has to love. Now the child will grow, and if he remains stuck with this attitude that everybody has to love him, he will suffer his whole life. His body has grown, but his mind has remained immature.

A mature person is one who comes to know the other need: that now I have to love somebody.

The need to be loved is childish, immature. The need to love is mature.

And when you are ready to love somebody, a beautiful relationship will arise; otherwise not.

“Is it possible for two people in a relationship to be bad for each other?” Yes, that’s what is happening all over the world. To be good is very difficult. You are not good even to yourself. How can you be good to somebody else?

You don’t even love yourself! How can you love somebody else? Love yourself, be good to yourself.

Your so-called religious saints have been teaching you never to love yourself, never to be good to yourself. Be hard on yourself! They have been teaching you be soft towards others and hard towards yourself. This is absurd.

I teach you that the first and foremost thing is to be loving towards yourself. Don’t be hard; be soft. Care about yourself. Learn how to forgive yourself — again and again and again — seven times, seventy-seven times, seven hundred seventy-seven times. Learn how to forgive yourself. Don’t be hard; don’t be antagonistic towards yourself. Then you will flower.

In that flowering you will attract some other flower. It is natural. Stones attract stones; flowers attract flowers. Then there is a relationship which has grace, which has beauty, which has a benediction in it. If you can find such a relationship, your relationship will grow into prayer;your love will become an ecstasy and through love you will know what the divine is.

OSHO – Ecstasy: The Forgotten Language